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Go Ahead [Split]

by Sonoak & Michael Brandon

/
1.
Eye drop into my dream on the bed Restrained at the arms I saw box mountain queen, the first ghost that I’d meet, lifted Dad’s thumb has shattered and bled The first ghost I’d ever left dead Mom’s breathy singing was all I had going but I felt protected and ready To turn up the volume already I pushed it too far she yelled at me I spun on the chair and felt Valerie’s squeal and fell happy Ah I don’t mind a thing I’ll let you walk the ledge to the park And watch you chase the pigeons with Kobi I wear my hair gold like in old pictures I can smile on a bench where peace knows me She comes with kids of her own and they look just like me And I always dreamed of jumping the fence With a start from the swings I’d whip out my wings at last On my back I imagine a balance beam act Like walking the jetty and keep your ankles steady Anne Don’t slip inside a crevice But I want your head in the clouds it’s Been too long since looking I can hold your hand (and guide you) while you see it I’d carry you to your father And I’d carry you over water I’d rub your back ‘til you’re warm And then I’d let you fall asleep on my shoulder Eye drop into my dream on the bed Restrained at the arms I see a history quick (get up, ready, set, kid) My memories aren’t mine they’re just stories I know And I’m far from my crib (not even a video clip) I’m not who I once was, I’m a body that carries The ghosts of its souls (and one of its own) There are so many things I’m afraid to give up But in that past I let go (I was too young to drive so…) Now Mom’s breathy singing would shelter my growth But I felt protected and ready To get on the bus already I never looked back, she keeps yelling (but I wonder, did she yell for me?) Is it because now that I’m on the bus out she keeps thinking he can’t hear me?
2.
Caught in the middle of daylight With my night mask on Didn't know where I was going On account of a blinding sun It shone in my eyes with indifference To who I am or who I was A child I am In the brightness persistent In telling me I am capable of love To reside in a cavern of darkness Your vision soon adjusts At first I clung to the walls Now I know every crack in this devilish rock How played out my story began And how played out is its end So Saint Peter please If you're holding the keys Turn the brights off and just let me fucking in Sick is the wicked man Sick is what I am Destined for redemption Stuck between a rock and a looping of sin I ask how to bear the journey Of coming to see in light I'll hold out my hands Palms up for mercy Admission of being blind Coveted truth Convergence I assume
3.
Driving at night through a snowstorm with the brights on is like flying through space Saving a screen in the 90’s glued to a seat flying through space And under every bridge all the snow stops and I'm nowhere but it's just for a second and I'm back flying through space Driving at night through a snowstorm with the brights on is light Flying at night through a snowstorm
4.
Hear me When I sing, it’s the only time I breathe It’s the only soft thing in me
5.
These idle hands of mine Reaching out Palms up I ride in place I'm off the chain Who knows where I'll go? The girl knit me a sweater She said get better She said "I love you but not when you're like this…" Left my hands to idle Now I fantasize of rope And how it would feel To sway Uncontrollably And how it would feel To let my last minute pass Like a second chance And let a slow breeze Guide my idle hands This dying mind of mine Whacked out Fogged up I wipe the pane I'm staring straight Into a black hole Finger on the lever I'm a go-getter Say "I love you all, but fuck this…" Time for me to idle In the ether alone Is this how it feels? To sway Uncontrollably And now I can feel Like a wind chime Crying for the first time A slow breeze guiding idle hands I let a slow breeze guide my idle hands
6.
One more day lonely One more day small I fill the glass and its Half full Half full The fruit has gone rotten The sink it still leaks You're on the line but I Can't speak Can't speak I'm still here In the violent room What's out there? Hope I know soon I can hear laughing Out in the yard Rapture avoids me at All costs All costs You said the world's bigger You said my heart's strong Well violence is real and I'm Far gone Far gone I'm still here In the violent room What's out there? Hope I know soon My first voice is cautious My second voice calm Surrounded on all sides By walls In their silence is violence In my silence is violence One more day lonely One more day small One more day trying I'm Careful Careful
7.
Sam had said when I moved you were unmoving Though not as often lately I still find myself hoping she was joking And the necklace somehow became a token of the wasted, the past and its presence So now sometimes I go to bed Dreaming hard in my fevers, well I wonder where they keep her in the back of my head And now of course there’s another, she’s my poisonous bother But this time I have to see her whenever she’s here So now sometimes I can hardly go to bed Cause it keeps me from sleeping Who am I to keep her? Even in the back of my head What a waste to be so scared of the next chapter I can’t feel the same thing twice and so why am I trying? Gotta drive on, keep my little foot on the trigger Don’t look back, stop turning around, turn off my cell and keep driving To new cities, new friends, make some new scars, and write songs Where I sing a little less, play some new chords and quit yelling It’s not so bad but I keep myself sad when I’m scared It’s not hard if I agree to try harder (so try harder) (So now sometimes) I can hardly go to bed When my dreaming is a threat I can hardly go to bed Cause it keeps me from sleeping Who am I to keep them? Things in their memory houses Who am I to keep them? Even in the back of my head
8.
I live in a Disney land Where kids like me get fast passes And free slaps at Minnie Mouse's ass It's asinine Feel like a mystery unsolved 'Cause I can't figure out the crime Where's the fuck who casted my role As Michael Brandon 'Cause I can't stand it I'm reading all the lines for the hell of it For this aint romantic anymore You wanna know me you can go Ahead and browse all the ads In my news feed They're getting personal Can you prove to me that this is fucking real? I'm just saying Can you prove to me that this is fucking real? I'm just begging for you To get your shit together While the ship sinks a little faster James Cameron on the special effects Oh what a pleasure Stereoscopic images Of your default make me feel better It's like you're right here In hell with me Dwell with me On the thought of eternity Without end We are but one grain of fucking sand In a house of mirrors With motion blur filters So I pop the pill And get distilled for the thrill I'll turn your green into origami I'll turn your heart into a fine salami Come find your love 'cause I lost it probably In my kaleidoscopic frame of reference I hope my mom gets this And if she doesn't let me spell it out I am way too smart to go and get settled down So release the breath you're holding Into my dystopia Where this dream is unfolding My god Everything you know's a lie
9.
And I’d write you a song with no tapping But would hitting a snare be alright? But would hitting a snare be alright? Would you care about drumming? And I’ll make an ending real catchy One that compliments your voice One you could sing me all breathy protecting Something to cover our noisy Chatter and the can’t help but tapping
10.
I looked out into the bay I saw it all In the dimples on your face A wild song And there it goes Turn it off Turn it Turn the damn page Watch the screen; things change Raised the anchor Out to sea Now I can't see land Missy and Erica I'm sorry Wish I was a better man Put my heart into a coma Instead of in your hands I feel like Camus' stranger One snap from throwing it all away You see I cannot stand the Mere thought of another day I'm jumping out no parachute on Hold me close before I'm gone Catch me if you can Hank me Tom Or turn it off

credits

released September 25, 2011

o Sonoak tracks recorded by Sonoak
o Michael Brandon tracks recorded by Michael Brandon
o Engineered by Mike Fiore
o Album Art is a photo taken by Chris Funk at Yellowstone in June 2011
o Additional help:
All Sonoak tracks (except Hear Me): Bass by Konrad Kamm
Pigeon Chaser: Electronics by Konrad Kamm, keyboard by Tyler Taormina, drums by Omar Saeed
Don’t Worry: Keyboard by Tyler Taormina
Snowstorm: Extra vox and percussion by Ken Korb

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Sonoak New York

Sonoak is my solo project. Please leave my bandcamp and go to my collective's website for free downloads and more info.

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